Hmmm...

I've made a startling discovery today.
To make a long story short, I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond to buy myself a Wok. I love BB&B. It's an awesome store full of home things and then some! Sadly they're more expensive than the standard stores like Target or WalMart but nevertheless I go to shop when I need something and have a 20% off coupon!

After picking up my Wok (I had done my research online so I knew exactly which I wanted), I started kinda trawling through the store, looking at this and that and out of the blue it hit me.
I have some friends coming to visit in a few weeks (Hi Brina & Corinna!) and I realized how I was looking at things with intention to buy them cause I could use them when my visitors came!!! I guess the startling discovery was that I never even thought of buying things FOR ME! It was only at the prospect of having visitors that certain things seemed logical to have.
One good example - towels. I have a total of 4 towels. They're four different sizes, four different colors and old and well used. They're perfectly good for me to use so that's exactly what I do. At the thought of visitors coming to stay with me, those measly 4 towels suddenly seemed ridiculous and inappropriate.

My entire life I have lived like this. All of my posessions are throw-away. I can count the things I would want to keep for life on one hand (books and CDs/DVDs excluded, of course). I have lived my life like a upper class gypsy, making do with as little as possible, expecting to one day finally arrive. Where, you ask? Good question. A place that I can really call home, I guess. A place I will be able to imagine spending the rest of my life in, or at least a longer amount of time. And until then it seems like such a waste to spend money and invest emotions in things that might not fit in my future life.
I know it sounds crazy - trust me, I've only discovered this today too so I'm currently reassessing things. Not to say things will suddenly change but it was a nice eye opener.