Socializing

Not exactly my favorite word, socializing. Whilst I'm far from being a complete introvert, the thought of going out with people always awakes an uneasy feeling in me. Don't get me wrong, I can chat and small talk with the best of them. I have funny stories, I joke, I flirt, I have opinions on just about everything (and BOY, do I have opinions!!!), I can be serious...
Still, no matter which way I turn it, if given the choice, I'd stay home and enjoy my own company.
The reason for this post? I've just returned from an evening out with most of the old MRO IT department. We went out to celebrate the VP of IT's last day in Bedford. He is staying with IBM but moving to North Carolina to start a new job there. My boss boss (as I like to call him because he's my manager's manager) is one of those people who is exceptionally human, even though he was way high up in the company hierarchy. I remember when I applied for this job over a year ago - at that point all I wanted was ANY job just so long as it was in the US. After interviewing with him over the phone, I was totally sold on the job itself though. For the brief 25 minutes we spoke, he must have mentioned "the people", "the team", "the guys" hundreds of times. It seemed to me at the time like that was all he was about. The people. Coming from a department where the boss boss couldn't give a shit about people (old accountant, all that matters is money and numbers) this was as refreshing as summer rain. He actually made me WANT the job because I knew I'd be working for him. And he didn't let me down. In the past 13 months, he has been the glue that held this thinning department together. Everyone was mad at IBM but everyone wanted to do well by him so we continued to work hard and do our jobs, knowing fully well we'd be terminated a few months down the road. I haven't met many people like that in my life.
I've worked for even fewer. In fact, the total runs to 3 people, including him. Three people I enjoyed working with/for, three people I was proud to represent, three people I truly, honestly respected professionally in every sense of the word.
To see him leave is like the final curtain, in a way. The definitive "It's over" moment, where you realize nothing can bring back what you used to have, nothing will be the same again. I found a "Thank you" card in a store and wrote a few choice words to let him know how I felt about working for him. The cool thing about it is... I know he will appreciate them, just like he always appreciated me and let me know it.


As for the socializing part - we met up at a bar and just spent about 4 hours talking about heaven knows what. I saw a few people who used to be in the team but aren't anymore and lots of stories were told of the good ole days. We discussed which celebrities we fancied (me: Scott Bakula!!!), what the PanMass challenge was like and other things. Again, all stuff I could talk about without effort and yet, leaving the gathering, I got into my car to suddenly realize I had a throbbing headache.
I blame it on the constant need to smile, mostly. I don't seem to be able to relax my face fully when listening to someone talk. I constantly catch myself smiling and try to stop it but by that time, my face muscles hurt, as does my jaw. So at four hours of constant smiling, plus a lot of talking about things I might or might not care about, no wonder I get headaches. Which in turn makes me uncomfortable when thinking about going out in general. Mind you, this is only an issue when I'm not around friends. Obviously, I won't put on a mask for friends when I go out. I don't have the constant need to be "sociable" when I'm with them - it just happens in a very relaxing way.

Anyway... so much for socializing musings from me. I'm off to bed as my headache isn't getting better and the humid heat outside doesn't help much either. Thank heavens for air con units!