Going home

Well, who would've guessed... certainly not me! After barely a year in the US, I'm heading back to Europe again.
Provided you're one of the few people reading my blog, I'm also assuming that you know me very well and never knew any different: Maky=USA, USA=Maky. It has been that way for 15 years now and chances are, you may be confused, shocked, speechless... well, you get the idea. I don't blame you. I've always made it very clear that the US is where I see myself growing old. So why this sudden decision to return? Let me give you a brief overview of the changes in my life over the past year or so - maybe that will help you understand.

When I got here last July, it was for good. I wanted to be here, I wanted to stay, I was convinced it was the beginning of a new life. Two and a half weeks later, I was proven wrong. When IBM came swooshing in acquiring my company, everything changed.
Now, I don't need to go into details about the acquisiton partly because I've already blogged about it and partly because I am waiting to have left my job and found a new one before I let loose on what I really think about them!!! (That will be one heck of a loooooong post!!!). But the truth of the matter is that instead of finally being able to settle down and call Nashua my home for the foreseeable future, I was left hanging. Yet again, waiting.

Had MRO stayed MRO, there is no doubt in my mind that I would've stayed here. I would've worked for them for a few years, I would've gotten my Green Card with their help, and eventually, probably would've moved on to something else. But IBM is a different story. It was clear from the beginning that I would be out of a job very soon.
The decision to find something else here didn't weigh too heavy on my mind. I had/have skills that IBM could use very well. I have 5 year's worth of product knowledge and that qualifies me for a ton of jobs within IBM.
As the end date approached, I started looking around, never finding anything that would've really rocked my boat all that much. I was asked by different managers whether I wanted to join their departments but neither one of those jobs sounded all that great.
As time flew by and I got better acquainted (and frustrated) with IBM, I started a realization proccess that was somewhat stunning to deal with. I realized that I just didn't want to stay in the US bad enough to have to deal with the crap at IBM. I know... right? What am I talking about? USA is USA, I've wanted to be here for so long, so suck it up and just do it. Take whatever job comes your way and make it work for you.
Well, sorry to say, that's just not me. I couldn't deal with the idea of having to spend 9 hours every day in a job that I didn't like and a company I hated. Even if it meant staying here.
On top of that comes the simple fact that I just never really found this place to be "home". When I went to visit a friend in South Carolina in April, everything changed. It was like... I can't explain it. It just felt so much more right than up here north. And then I remembered of course that what I had loved so about the US was what I had known in Nashville, back in 98. That was the southern part of the US too. People were different, more... relaxed, easy going it seemed. And then of course I just never found anyone to really "click" with here. I made a lot of wonderful friends here but it's just not the same when you're not on the same wave-length in at least certain aspects. Not having friends here made me miss the ones I have in Germany and the UK. The ones I had fun with, I went out with, spent hours on the phone talking to. Now even that wasn't all that possible due to the time difference.
In the end, everything was pointing to one thing and one thing only. You have to go back, Maky. It's as simple as that.
As I'm packing up my stuff, I'm astounded at how little I feel about this place. I would've assumed that I would at least miss something about it but it doesn't look like I am. Granted, it's still a few weeks away but still - weird.

Now, don't get me wrong. I fully intend to be back one day. I'm not giving up on what I still believe is my destiny. But this wasn't the right time or the right place. There are times you have to let go off things that you've been hanging on to for so long. This feels good and it feels right. I will be back in Woking in October and will start looking for a new apartment and a new job. I will go back to my wonderful Woking choir and will go to see "Joseph" and "Les Mis" in London, visit "my" Houses of Parliament that I've missed so much and go up on the London Eye. There's still so much I want to see of Europe - places I never considered going to because I was so intent on saving it all for America. Time to live in the "now". I can't wait! :-)